Wednesday, July 18, 2012

You can hide, but you can't run

I am not a gardener.  I may have two opposable thumbs, but they are most certainly not green.  In short, if I plant it, it will die.  Just take a look at my typical handiwork:

The Azalea Corpse

The Half-Dead Magnolia

The Decapitated Juniper
It's a horticultural chamber of horrors.  

Indeed, I'm convinced that the plant world is on to me.  Over the years it's conspired to ensure that nothing green or flowering or edible will ever truly take hold in my yard. The plants somehow know that I am botanical butcher, and the smart ones steer clear.  This year, however, I tricked them.  This year I planted a garden in someone else's yard, and although the tomatoes, peppers, and eggplant managed to escape me, it appears that the zucchini didn't get the memo.  They tried to elude me.  They hunkered down beneath those big umbrella-like leaves and hid.  Thought those prickly vines would protect them. Thought they could take advantage of my inexperience by blending in with the rest of the foliage and eluding capture.  They nearly succeeded in simply rotting away on the vine--but  HAH.  They may have grown to close to 5 pounds each, but I was not to be denied. Ultimately I found my prey: nuclear-sized hulks of zucchini that likely lost any and all flavor about 2 weeks ago.  Of course, they didn't count on me making zucchini bread.  Add just about  anything to flour and sugar and it will taste good.

You should've see the one that got away.

Do you think a taxidermist could stuff and mount it?

Zucchini Bread
Zucchini Fate.
  • Cooking Light Magazine, July 2005

  • 1.   Preheat oven to 350°.

  • 2.  Lightly spoon 3 cups all purpose flour into a dry measuring cup .  Level with a knife.  Combine with1 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp ground cinnamon, and 1/2 tsp salt in a large bowl.

  • 3.  Combine 1/2  cup egg substitute and 1/3 cup canola oil, 1 tsp grated lemon rind, and 2 tsps vanilla extract, and 1 large egg lightly beaten in another large bowl.

  • 4.  Add 1 and 1/2 cups sugar until combined.   Add 3 cups of shredded zucchini.  Add flour mixture.

  • 5.  Add 1/4 cup chopped walnuts, toasted.  

  • 6.  Divide batter evenly between 4 (8 x 4-inch) loaf pans coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350° for 1 hour or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes in pans on a wire rack; remove from pans. Cool completely on wire rack.

1 comment:

  1. This is a magnificent sentence: It's a horticultural chamber of horrors. !!!