Sin with a Cream Cheese Frosting

Three months ago I vowed to drop enough weight to be worthy of a bikini.  I joined a gym.  I ate Brussels sprouts.  And salads.  And lean meats.  And cheese.  And salmon smothered in a whipped hollandaise sauce.  And potatoes sauteed in butter.  And veal shanks with goat cheese.   And carrot cake.  Oh. My. God.  The carrot cake.

I have wholly and utterly failed.  I wake up every morning vowing that today is the day to get serious.  But the devil knows how to tempt.  Every day there is something delicious to nibble or sip or inhale.  Satan has convinced me that there is some celebration that just wouldn't be the same paired with celery and carrot sticks, but instead warrants butter and bread and triple cream brie.  And carrot cake.  Three months later I haven't lost a pound, or an ounce, or a gram.  Three months of squats for squat.  The spirit is strong, but the body is oh-so-weak, and don't you know the devil knows it.   It's the devil's fault, and I've seen him up close and personal.  Satan  isn't some goateed red-faced imp with horns and a pitchfork.  Satan's alive and well in this sugar-infused, cream cheese smothered, carrot cake.  Sin never felt-or tasted-so good.

 Bonnie's Carrot Cake, a.k.a. "Sin with a Cream Cheese Frosting"

1.  Rationalize why making this cake is better than going for a run.

2.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees, and grease and flour a 9 X 13 inch pan.

3.  Toss together:  2 cups of shredded carrots (diet food!), 1 8-oz can of crushed pineapple, drained (fruit is good), one and 1/3 cups of flaked sweetened coconut (coconut is also technically a fruit), and 1/2 cup flour (only enough to lightly coat).  Set aside.

4.  Sift:  one and 1/2 cups flour, 2 tsp ground cinnamon, 2 tsp baking soda, and 1/2 tsp. salt (some carbs, but not so bad).  Set aside.

5.    In a large bowl, mix 3 eggs and 2 cups of sugar until light and fluffy. (A whip attachment works best.)  Continue whipping and drizzle in 3/4 vegetable oil and 3/4 cup buttermilk.  Fold in dry ingredients by hand and pour batter over fruit mixture. Fold carefully to blend.  (This is pretty much where any dieting resolutions have turned straight into the gates of hell.)

6.   Pour batter into prepared pan and bake for 40 to 45 minutes.

7.  While the cake is baking, heat on low heat 3/4 cup of sugar with 1/3 cup of buttermilk until the sugar is dissolved.

8.   Immediately after taking the cake out of the oven, poke holes in the top of the cake and pour the glaze over the cake.  Spread as you pour to make sure the entire cake is covered  (so doomed, so doomed).  Let it cool.

9.  Now to ensure your fate, beat together 1 8-oz package of cream cheese and  1/4 cup of softened butter.  


10.  Add 1 tsp of vanilla, and gradually sift in one pound of powdered sugar into the mixture.  (Not a typo:  one pound.  This tastes good for a reason).  


11.  Add a teaspoon or so of milk at a time until you get a smooth, spreadable texture.


12.  Frost the top of the cake.  Refrigerate.  (Yeah right--like you can wait that long.)